Subtle in message but not in heart

By: Rachael Clarke, house church co-leader

Writing mass e-mails used to make me nervous. Am I being grammatically correct? Does that paragraph make sense? Is this sentence lame? Not to mention the foot tapping and drumming of the keys without actually typing. These questions whirled in my mind because, 1. I’m an editor (and therefore a perfectionist to a fault—with stubborn red pen and White Out on my hands to prove it), and 2. I overanalyze too much.

Then I became the official mass e-mailer of my house church (HC). Okay!, I thought. I can do this. Just get the info out there, don’t think about it, and send it. During our first gathering I scribbled down notes on every video, every thought shared, and all my own personal inklings throughout the night. I figured that if I recreated the evening on paper, then it’d be easy to write the HC email.

After returning home that night I found that I was actually excited to write the e-mail, and to share what just happened that evening. I signed onto gmail, got out my horribly scribbled notes, and the words just flowed from thought, to fingers, to keys, to screen. And this process, so mundane to all of us, was invigorating to me, and I felt more alive and fulfilled as I wrote each sentence.

The next day I received several heartening, and humbling, e-mails, and I was so thankful to be a part of my HC in this way. This past HC I still wrote down a synopsis of the evening, but I did it because I didn’t want to miss anything we shared—not because I wanted my email writing to go smoothly. So many insightful discussions and thoughts have risen out of only two HC gatherings. And peoples’ willingness to be open and share has been very humbling and encouraging.

Here are a few thoughts in particular that were shared at our last HC:

"True love is revealed with actions."

"Charity is about giving without expecting anything in return."

"God puts people in your life for a reason."

At our last HC I also shared something personal in my life, and after sharing I had doubts that I had shared too much. At the time I had a strong feeling that I needed to share what I did, and I listened to God as he put the urgency in my heart.

After writing my weekly e-mail I received a response from someone that revealed to me why I had shared what I did. She told me that she, too, is dealing with the same issue, and that my sharing my thoughts was very encouraging to her. I felt so humbled. And on top of that, days earlier I had come across a quote that I wanted to hang on to, but didn’t know why. At the time I copied and pasted the quote, and sent it in an email to myself with the subject, “good quote.” After hearing from this woman I knew why I had saved it, and I sent her the quote:

"It is comfort--seeing others are missing the pieces that we, too, are missing. And it is hope--seeing others have found the pieces we seek. We will find them, too." -Jen Lee (poet)

God has been working in subtle ways, yet the feeling in my heart and the encouragement I feel is not subtle at all.